Sunday morning
Ok I've been very lazy about about posting, there has been something bugging me lately.And it's something I haven't wanted to write about . But I believe it is time.
I have been having terrilbe drug dreams , I have always been a dreamer , very vivid real dreams . I can wake myself up but I haven't been able to shake these dreams. In them I see the drugs I'm doing the drugs I'm also doing things to hide them or to get more ect.... I really hate it .I wake up pissed off because the demon I've been fighting for so long invades my peace.I don't like the way it makes me feel.
I wrote this poem back in 95 sitting in jail on my way to prison.Yes it took me all the way there. I went in for 10 months in a (at the time )new drug treatment program. It didn't work but it added to my life experience.
Meth
Meth is my name getting high is my game,
Do you want to play?
Oh you don't know the rules?
Well I will teach you and you will learn well.
Is all you have to do is indulge me a little longer
so I can take away everything that is good
and then one day
as your staring out there with tear stained eyes
you will see my face and know that I am hate
but you won't care
because is all you left
are quick little flashes of life's little clashes
and you !
You poor fool will think it was all fate!
So now you see the demon that haunts me...
Sometimes I'm ashamed that I let sometime take me so far. The stigma that dopers are weak stupid people low class ect.. ect.. is just not true I've seen it take down Docter, Teachers, Grandmother , policeman it has no prejudices. It will take anyone who thinks they want to play.
I have been having terrilbe drug dreams , I have always been a dreamer , very vivid real dreams . I can wake myself up but I haven't been able to shake these dreams. In them I see the drugs I'm doing the drugs I'm also doing things to hide them or to get more ect.... I really hate it .I wake up pissed off because the demon I've been fighting for so long invades my peace.I don't like the way it makes me feel.
I wrote this poem back in 95 sitting in jail on my way to prison.Yes it took me all the way there. I went in for 10 months in a (at the time )new drug treatment program. It didn't work but it added to my life experience.
Meth
Meth is my name getting high is my game,
Do you want to play?
Oh you don't know the rules?
Well I will teach you and you will learn well.
Is all you have to do is indulge me a little longer
so I can take away everything that is good
and then one day
as your staring out there with tear stained eyes
you will see my face and know that I am hate
but you won't care
because is all you left
are quick little flashes of life's little clashes
and you !
You poor fool will think it was all fate!
So now you see the demon that haunts me...
Sometimes I'm ashamed that I let sometime take me so far. The stigma that dopers are weak stupid people low class ect.. ect.. is just not true I've seen it take down Docter, Teachers, Grandmother , policeman it has no prejudices. It will take anyone who thinks they want to play.
posted by Hippie girl @ 10:23 AM
6 Comments:
At 1:28 PM,
sandegaye said…
That poem was astounding! I can only imagine the inner strength that you had to have depended on during that rough time. I am so glad that you have become the most lovely lady that you are. And perhaps it took going thru that hell to refine the truest sense of 'you'.
Surrounding you w/ white light & asking the dream gods for tender repose.
At 3:54 PM,
Avery's mom said…
I like what addict said about waking up. Though these dreams can be sooooo real and frustrating to have, instead of being scared with them, try to be relived at the same time that you are sober. It feels so much better to wake and be happy about realizeing it was just a dream because the panic we feel just causes more anxiety. Dreaming doesnt mean your going to relaps. It was a phase in life for you and the dreams are remnants of what we know.
You were a beautiful writer when you were going into rehab and I'm sure your head is even more clear now. keep on the positive side and dont fret about dream material....I have similar dreams that I go through but like you said it always seems to come in bunches. eventually they will stop.
just know you are on the right path no matter how difficult it's been. you're doing good and should feel proud. Do not stress yourself.
At 8:15 PM,
Meg said…
I so wish I had something constructive to add, but in honesty, I don't. All I can say is that I think you're one of hte strongest, most honorable women I know and I'm so proud to be related to you. Your strength shines through in almost everything you say.
At 12:07 AM,
MomThatsNuts said…
My sister has the same thing, she was on meth for years. She lost her son ( gave him up to her ex inlaws,) and lost so much respect for herself. I so much admire your strenght...the dreams can only REMIND you of how far you have come..be strong,,,sending my personal prayers your way...
SWEET DREAMS GIRL...
Mom
At 5:41 AM,
Hippie girl said…
Thank you all so much for your support. I feel all warm and fuzzy. This is a subject I don't like to talk about much but it is a part of my life I have to remember. Maybe I'm over this little hump now knowing I can share this stuff helps me deal with it. I love you guys.
Me- I'm glad to hear from you I was hoping we didn't lose you.
At 1:43 PM,
The Complimenting Commenter said…
A very powerful poem. I hope that you will get peace sometime in the future. Profound words.
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